Caring and Concern

Have you ever really considered the difference between caring and concern? The two are not the same, and in fact, are two completely different things altogether. Often when people think they are really caring for someone, they are actually concerned as apposed to caring. How can that be? Imagine a father whos teenager son is about to go into a relathionship with a girl. The father knows the type of girl that she is, and that the relationship is not going to be a 'good' experience for his son, and will most likely turn out to be very dissapointing to his son, and possibly involve much hurt and heartache.

In the one situation, the father is concerned about his son. He does not want his son to get hurt, as he can see where this imminent relationship will go. So he feels the need to protect his son. Because of this, he sits down his son and tells him that he should not enter into the relationship with this girl. With the best intentions, he goes so far as to prohibit his son to see this girl, as he feels this will protect his son he loves so much from the unpleasant experience that is bound to come from this relationship. His son, as most teenagers would do, reacts rebeliously, and goes on to resent his dad for his interfering. Out of this rebeliousness the son continues with the relationship in secret, which quickly turns out to be a real dissapointment, and much emotional hurt ensues, which contributes (misdirectedly) to the resentment towards his father. His rebellion later leads him to similar relationships in an attempt to get back at dad, before he sorts himself out and learns the lesson.

In the other situation, the father is coming for a space of complete caring. He fully respects his son's journey of learning from the mistakes he makes and the wrong decisions he is bound to make along the way of learning about life. He cares so much for his son that he will never attemp to rob his son of an oppurtunity to learn from an experience, however good or bad. Subsequently the father decides to completely support his son's decision as best he can. Indeed, the relationship soon causes the son much hurt and dissapointment. At the same time, he knows that his father is always supportive, no matter what he does. The son decides to share his experience with his father. "Son, when you first told me about this new relationship you were going into, I knew that you were in for a rough time. But at the same time I knew that it would be of great value to you to pursue it and learn from it". The son replies "Dad, I really appreciate your support. I have indeed learnt much from being in that relationship, and I am sure not to make the same mistake twice".

Often people are reluctant to let their friends, family and children make the wrong decisions, because they tend to be concerned. True caring implies to ability to allow people to make a wrong turn without interference. It is through these wrong turns and so called 'mistakes' that we learn our lessons. And so, when people are interfering with where you plan on going because they think they know better or assume they can protect you from 'harm', they are actually doing you more harm then good. The same applies in your actions and attitudes toward others.